Whether you’re wasting away in an office chair wearing business casual or an electrician working a building site in mid-July, you’ve assuredly experienced the unpleasant sensation known as swamp ass. The term leaves little to the imagination: it’s the damp, all-encompassing layer of sweat that builds up under the pants, leaving unsightly wet spots, nasty odors, and obnoxious stickiness. In other words, it’s just not a civilized way to live. But until you’re allowed to wear mesh shorts to the office, swamp ass is going to continue to be a problem, so what’s a guy to do? Luckily, we’ve got the information you need to keep yourself cool and dry all day.
"Your sweat doesn’t actually stink, it just creates the perfect environment for stink."
Why Does Swamp Ass Suck So Much?
First, it’s important to understand why swamp ass is so uniquely unpleasant. If you’ve ever wondered why you seem to sweat more in your armpits and crotch than anywhere else, there’s an answer- the sweat glands found in those sensitive areas are different than the ones on the rest of your body. Apocrine sweat glands, unlike their standard “eccrine” gland counterparts, do more than just regulate body temperature. Not only do they activate from body heat, but also in times or sexual excitement or stress. When activated, these glands release a special, thicker sweat that contains additional nutrients and pheromones- it’s not actually the sweat itself that creates the distinctive musky aroma, but the bacteria that thrive in such moist and nutrient-dense environment. In other words, your sweat doesn’t actually stink, it just creates the perfect environment for stink. And since the apocrine sweat in question is both thicker than normal eccrine sweat, and also trapped under layers of clothing, the uniquely sticky, stinky, sweaty condition of swamp ass is born.
How Do You Prevent Swamp Ass?
The solution to swamp ass, therefore, is relatively simple: stay dry down there. But that’s easier said than done if you’re driving for hours nonstop or going straight from class to the gym. So what can you do? First, invest in good, breathable underwear. If you’re like any normal person, you have one or more pairs of underwear you owned in high school still in rotation. Throw them away (yes, we know it’s hard) and replace them with new undies that fit well and are made of a breathable material. And while we hate that we have to tell you this, make sure you’re not only showering every day, but changing that underwear for a fresh pair after every shower.
Consider Using Powder
At the same time you’re changing that underwear, we’d strongly recommend generously applying powder, which has the ability to absorb and eliminate sweat as it happens. While there are many choices in the product category, including simple baby powder, you’ll be surprised to hear that we think Bozak is the proper choice. Not only does the cornstarch-based formula work more safely and effectively than the talc found in baby powder and Gold Bond, but Bozak is loaded with supplemental ingredients designed to keep you cool and fresh all day, from the soothing, inflammation-reducing properties of aloe leaf extract, to the antimicrobial odor control of eucalyptus oil, to the cooling, long-lasting freshness of menthol and peppermint oil. It’s like a magic bullet to stop swamp ass before it starts.
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